So... The Rapture

I wasn't going to blog on this because I think it's been done to death. Obviously not as 'to death' as our dear old reverend 'predicted'. So how did you spend yours? Any actual looting? That would have been quite biblical. I got the time wrong. I recognise the irony. I thought it would hit midnight so as I considered the possibility of this being the end I did in fact prepare. Why not? It gives you a moment to reassess your life. Did I achieve what I wanted? How many things on that list did I actually tick? Do my friends and family know how much I love them. 

I've been in situations where the possibility of dying was very realistic. The first time I was panicked, afraid and then it dawned on me. If this is it then this is it. I might as well be happy with it because there's bugger all I can do about it now. That was the first time I ever dealt with my own death. I've had opportunities since then. Each time I have spent the interim loving. Loving my family and my work and all the things in my life. Why? Well they say finding out you have a terminal illness has a profound impact on the way that person lives your life. I hate to be pessimistic here- though I prefer realistic- but are we all not terminal? Is death not the end for us all? The difference, I believe, is that when you face a situation where you believe you will die and you have time to contemplate it, such as in the case of terminal illnesses you know HOW you will die. We all know we WILL die but the how and the when and even the why are things that make it real. Death is the only thing we can be wonderfully ignorant of. There are somethings we are willing to take the hypothetical leap for- what would I do if I won the lottery? What would I do if I could be a kid again. But what would would I do if I was dying? It's not really something we like to think about so we push from our minds. 

Or do we? Every day there are soaps and documentaries, the news and dramas that all deal with imagined and real death. It's almost like subconscious practise. As if we know our conscious selves aren't ready to process it yet so we go through the motions. We watch soaps with mothers dying and we empathise. How would I feel if it was my mum? We watch news reports of people fighting for euthanasia and we wonder- would we make the same choice? It's believed being able to empathise makes us a better person. To be an unsympathetic person to its it greatest degree is to be classified sociopathic. Being able to empathise is deemed a pre-requisite to social acceptance.

When I have faced my own mortality I have counted my blessings, closed my eyes and I have let go- I have pictured my last words with my mum- the person I have become- the friends I have made and the lessons I've learnt. 

So does this 'practise' make us better people? I make sure I speak to my mum regularly- I make sure she knows how much appreciate everything she's done for me. I make sure I've given my cats cuddles and asked my friends how they're feeling. I don't do this just because any moment could be our last- I do it so that any moment CAN be my last. So that every moment of every day I can close my eyes and feel content- content that if this moment should be my last then at least I am who I wanted to be. 

Is it possible that this idea of a death that will come out of no where- take your loved ones and have no mercy- is maybe a practice session? (We've had enough of them!)- Devised by our subconscious to help us cope- an evolution designed to evolve our own personal understandings of our place in the world. An opportunity to re- evaluate? Or maybe the rapture did come. The Bible says no man shall knoweth the hour. Maybe we each went to sleep at our respective times and woke up in our own individual post rapture hell. We were told there would earthquakes and famine and war. There always has been though? Right? What if we believe that because it is part of the torture- to not know of our perfect world we once occupied- so stripped from God's grace even our memories of such are wiped. It's just as likely as any of the other beliefs and conspiracies out there...

My rapture then? I entertained the possibility it was true- in the realm of possibility all things are true! I thought if this is the end then am I happy? I smiled, gave my cats a cuddle- called my mum and asked her how she was, I made my favourite dinner- fish cakes, steam veg and parsley sauce (sad I know) and watched some decent t.v. I did think if this is my last supper then it's also my cats so I gave them some treats as well. I treated it the same way as every other day. The same way I spend my life- content for any moment to be the last and living to keep it that way